Welcome Baby Jackson!

WELCOME BABY JACKSON

9lb 7oz, 22 inches long

I can't believe almost three weeks have gone by since baby Jackson joined our family.  These weeks have been a pure joy.  He is very content and eats and sleeps well.

We returned to the hospital with high bilirubin levels and spent a few days under the lights.  We couldn't stand to leave him in his bassinet alone and he hated it as much as we did so we all spent time with him under the lights loving on him until he could return home.

This is Jackson with a full belly.  He loves to eat!

I finally caught him today with his eyes open.  He loves to sleep and hates the flash on the camera so pictures of his beautiful eyes are hard to come by.

Many wonder how Bubba is handling all this.  Luckily he adores Jackson and spends his days being mommy's helper.  He loves to go get him in the morning when he fusses and help mommy change and dress him.  If I am looking for Bubba he can usually be found with his little buddy Jackson!

 

This was our first week without daddy's helping hands.  We are all ready to find our new normal and we are looking forward to easing back into homeschooling next week.  We have our overwhelming moments but are all adjusting quite well.



So Much to Get Done But Something Wasn't Right

Just when I was getting all organized, my freezer was filling up and nesting went into a full swing house cleaning fury...I hit this huge brick wall.  In my last post about camping I eluded to the fact that maybe it was time to slow down but I wasn't ready to stop.  The last few weeks have been a struggle to get anything accomplished.  I could barely get moving in the mornings, normally my most productive time of day, and had to relax after only a few small tasks.  By afternoon I was falling into bed for nap time along with my toddlers and then just getting supper on the table was enough to finish off my day.  Another rest time was sometimes necessary by the time supper was over and Monte would graciously offer to clean up supper and watch the kids while I would relax for a bit in our room to regain energy.  I am turning forty...am I just to old for this pregnancy thing?  My back and body were aching all the time but isn't that just normal for pregnancy?  Then there were days with lots of contractions and back pain that would not subside.  I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything.  Monte was panicking...he goes stir crazy staying home and has never been one to relax.  This last weekend after lots of contractions, back pain, and other minor issues I finally called the doctor on call...something just wasn't right.  She came to the conclusion that I probably had an infection and prescribed antibiotics.  Within 24 hours this returned to a more normal pregnancy for me.  I am able to stay awake during the day and accomplish lots in my normal productive morning hours.  I am so thankful and feel like I can return to being more intentional about parenting and life instead of barely functioning with a foggy head.  So now I am getting back to work, making baby preparations with only five weeks left to go.

My freezer is getting VERY full of casseroles and that makes me happy.  When I am feeling like I have not accomplished anything I just open it up and feel a sense of pride and accomplishment (bonus I also get cooled down).  I know, I know it seems weird but there is something about keeping my family fed that makes me feel like a good mom. The deep zone cleaning is going lots slower than I would like but if anything ends up at the bottom of my list it is deep cleaning projects because these are my least favorite.  I have been stuck working on clothes sorting and cleaning in our family closet room for about three weeks longer than I should but I am slowly making progress.

Something that I have felt a real urgency to work on with all of my kids but especially my toddlers is boundaries.  How am I going to manage a nursing infant on top of two active toddlers and keep everyone happy and safe?  Monte and I have been implementing some new things to make life easier.  We have a great small, fenced in, toddler friendly play space in our back yard complete with a comfy swing for mom but when we go out front to ride trikes or do sidewalk chalk the boundaries are less clear and we used to spend lots of time chasing our toddlers away from our busy street and out of the front yard.  They were hard to contain.  I found a yellow and orange long ski rope that I now lay out on the ground to give them a visual line that they are not to cross (notice in the picture how close Gracen is).  It has really cut down on the amount of time we spent chasing them or hollering to come back.  They still have their moments where they step over and look back with that mischievous grin to see what I will do, but usually a friendly reminder does the trick and we are back in business.  The rope something that we can take with us to the lake or other places to help set safe boundaries.  It still takes constant supervision and extreme consistency...they have to know that we will get up every time and come get them if they don't listen, or that they will sit in time out if they do not obey, but once the training stage is over it makes outside time much less of a battle.

We have implemented something similar in the house called blanket time.  The original idea came from Michelle Dugger's book," A Love That Multiplies."    Each child has their own blanket and activities and is expected to stay on their blanket until time is up (again notice Gracen who likes to live on the edge).  This works exceptionally well for us during those times when we need a few moments to finish up a task with no little ones underfoot or getting into things.  It does not work for long periods of time but is great for 15-20 minute periods and I am hoping that it will work keep them near me and out of trouble while nurse a hungry baby.

If all else fails...it's off to baby jail.  This is a room with toys and comfy recliners for mom and dad along with a T.V.  It is baby proof and gated to contain little people.  We try not to contain them to this room too much during the day but it is sometimes necessary when older kids or mommy are unavailable to keep a close eye on them.  I require very little "alone time" but Mommy is entitled to a shower every day.  As you can see by the picture little ones sometime try to escape...yes he is able to open the dead bolt.  Luckily the screen door has an even higher latch that he has not yet mastered and if he does make it out back he is still fenced in...yikes.  This room has been a lifesaver so many times when we need a moment or need to keep the toddlers contained for a bit.

For the older kids it is about diligence and independence with their daily tasks.  They each have a daily morning and afternoon chore list as well as help clean house each week.  As we look ahead to mom being less able to supervise we are rewarding the big kids for doing a good job with their chores on their own, without lots of adult supervision.  I have found that they need to know that mom will still check chores when they are done and if this step gets skipped they start to get sloppy again.  I constantly have to remind myself that they are still kids and perfection is not realistic.  I am so thankful for all they do.

You know the old saying "when you can't beat em join em."  This is so true.  Sometimes I just need to stop the to do lists and join them...if I can't then they can join me and we all get something done together.  We love to bake together or make cleaning fun, like hosing down the dusty toys in the breezeway and letting everyone get wet in the process.  Sometimes I am required to stop and cuddle and that's what being a mom is all about.  It's not the to do lists that make the memories...its those moments when we cuddle or work or play together that we will all remember.

So as we wait, we prepare with excited anticipation for the new one coming.  He does finally have a name but until one of the kids spills the beans it is our family secret.

 

 



Blessed by Servant Hearts

As many of you know, our last few weeks have been stressful around our house to say the least.  Two weeks ago our little Vaeh became very sick with a bacterial infection in her bladder that moved into her kidneys and eventually to her blood.  As an infant, before she came to live with us, she suffered many untreated infections that eventually shut down her left kidney.  After lots of medical treatment early on and continued monitoring, she has been infection free for over two years.  For those of you who know Vaeh she is very happy most of the time and her smile is contagious.  She has high pain tolerance and by the time she shows the effects of being sick she is often very sick.  We spent a few days in the hospital and then returned home with and I.V. still in her arm and returned to the hospital daily for I.V. antibiotics. We were only released with the promise and threat that we would return if we could not keep her hydrated or control her temperature at home.  She continued to run a fever for over a week but God's hand was on us as we barely reached the doctors criteria each day to stay out of the hospital.  At least at home we were all together as a family but it was a juggle to meet Vaeh's medical needs and appointment schedule along with all of the other children's emotional needs and keep up the house. 

Just as she started to get better and it felt like we were coming up to the surface for air, our baby boy broke his elbow.  Now this was far less serious than Vaeh's medical needs but it was another issue thrown into the mix and another hurting child.  As a mama watching your children hurt breaks your heart and between that and the exhaustion that pregnancy brings I was on the verge of a melt down. 

This is the point where I started to look for the blessings in the mess.  Vaeh was home and slowly getting better, Gracen's elbow was broken but everything was still in alignment and we already had a favorite and familiar orthopedic doctor, our little guy who needs his routine and structure so desperately was handling our crazy schedule and exhausted mommy well, and then there were those people with servant hearts.

God has blessed us with both sides of our family nearby and a treasured church family.  The grandmas and grandpas pitched in throughout the ordeal and stepped in to take care of the other children so that we could focus on Vaeh's care and later take Gracen to all of his appointments.  Many texted, said or sent kind words of encouragement.  Then the meals started pouring in.  Our family was fed for almost a week by some very special people.  Even before we knew how badly we needed it, a dear friend brought over not one but two meals and on Sunday when Gracen needed to be taken to immediate care for his arm, her meal was in the crockpot feeding all of the other children and grandma and grandpa while they waited at home to hear the outcome.  Now there is something about making sure that your family is fed that makes you feel like you are doing your job as a parent and it made me feel good to know that they were eating a home cooked meal when I couldn't be there.  It seems so trivial but its not.  The food that was made for us, those yummy homemade rolls, casseroles and the fruit and veggies cut up with care, along with those yummy pizza hut gift cards, not only fed our bodies but lifted our spirits and helped us to feel that we were not alone.  We felt the love of those who had prepared it but we also felt God's love through them.

Being a Homeschool Mom, this experience would become nothing less than a character lesson.  First of all what would I learn from this experience and what could I teach from this experience?  We started with a family conversation about the people who had provided our food.  They had servant hearts.  They were the helpers in the midst of our upside down world.  Now having a servant heart doesn't come naturally to me.  It seems that I always have an excuse for why I am to busy to help or why my help wouldn't be helpful.  But...I can cook...I love to cook and even when people say they are doing fine (like I did at first *wink*) a meal or even a kind word is truly appreciated.  In the midst of the chaos I didn't know what I needed.  I talked with our children about learning to stop and think...what can I do to help?  They struggled with seeing mommy and daddy so little and when they did see us, knowing that we were under so much stress.  They were worried about their little siblings and felt helpless.  We talked about what being a helper meant for them, seeing a job around the house and doing it or even just making sure that their own assigned chores were done without even being asked was a huge help to keeping our house running smoothly.  Helping the grandmas and grandpas take care of their siblings, not fighting, and helping around their houses was having a servant heart.  This morning I saw the character lesson lived out when I returned from an appointment and found the dishes done.  I assumed that Monte had done it but when I asked was told that our oldest daughter had seen that they needed done and did them.  So I will learn from her and I will learn from our experience to stop and think what can I do to help?  Even when it doesn't come naturally, I will work to have a servant heart because I couldn't have made it through the last few weeks without those who did.  For all of you we are truly thankful!

 

Are There More Children in Our Future?

The million dollar question that everyone wants to know is are we done adding children into our family.   For those who don't know our story, we currently have five children, two through adoption and three biological.  Much of our family journey has been a struggle about control.

When we first married, we decided to start a family right away.  Monte was in his early thirties and I in my mid twenties.  We struggled through some mild infertility issues and were blessed with our oldest child, a beautiful girl, now eleven.  Almost two years later we were blessed with a bright and happy baby boy, now nine.  Our family could have ended there but we are so glad it didn't.  Within a few years we struggled again with infertility to have a third child.  When our son was six, we decided to look into adoption through the foster care system.  We were looking at it more as a way to grow our own family than helping children.   During our foster care training there was a time when we decided that this was too hard and the children might be to "damaged" and we wouldn't be able to handle their needs.  Our worst fear was that we would have to send them back home and it would leave our hearts and family broken.  We wavered many times but finished the class and decided to take a placement of three beautiful babies all under two and a half years old.  We fell in love with them and eventually with their mom and it was bittersweet to send them home to her.  During that nine months with them God taught us to give up control to Him.  We could not control the foster care system or the choices of their family and we certainly could not control the outcome for our own family.
 
Our second placement was two siblings, a four year old boy and three month old baby girl.  This time we were more prepared to trust God to control their fate and that of our family.  Shortly after their placement, we learned that we were expecting a baby boy.  Many people asked if we were still planning to go through with their adoption but God was working in our hearts.  He was teaching us about His perfect timing and control.  We trusted that God would care for us no matter what.  Don't get me wrong we are human and definitely had our moments when doubt crept in and we wondered if God really knew what He was doing.  His overwhelming peace came time and time again.  Our commitment to them never wavered and we were up for whatever God had in store for us, although I was convinced that God was giving us a baby because He was going to take them from us but He did not.  God knew that if He gave us another biological child when we wanted him, we would never know the love of adoption and His plan was to bless us not once but three times over.

"Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
  Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court."

Psalm 127:3-5

After our youngest was born we were sure that we were done (I didn't say God, I said we).  Outside pressures told us that we had already surpassed the point of normal in the world's eyes because we have more than 2.3 children.  But God never called any of us to be "normal."  During the last eleven years, God has been slowly and quietly working on our hearts.  We were learning through His scriptures and hearing other large family's stories that children are a precious blessing and that God's timing and control is so much better than our own.  There came a point where God had blessed us with child after child and had provided for us time and time again and it seems crazy to tell Him to stop.  If we were offered an inheritance from someone on earth we would never turn it down.  If we were offered twenty inheritances we would never turn any of them down.  Then why would we turn down blessings from our Heavenly Father.  Is money more precious than our Children?  In His Word, God tells us that money is the root of evil and children are a blessing, a reward from him.   We prayed so many times for all of these blessings, I am not quite sure how the prayer goes that tells God to please stop blessing us.  It means that we take back control and tell Him how we got this now, thanks for your help, but we don't need it anymore.  We certainly don't want to have that conversation with God.  There is an overwhelming peace in the knowledge that God is in control and we like it that way.

So where does our family go from here?  Honestly we are leaving it in God's hands.  If you ever met our littlest surprise blessing you would know that God makes no mistakes.  We cannot imagine our lives without him or any of our children for that matter.  Adoption is also an experience that has changed us to our very core and through it God has challenged us to become better people.  More children is certainly not out of the question because we know that with God in control He will continue to bless and care for us.

*Family Size is a personal choice between husband, wife and God.   This is our personal journey.  I encourage you to look into God's word and listen to Him to see how He is leading your family.  We should not judge those families who have no children nor those who have ten, we do not know their story.  I believe God does not have the same plan for each family and we are certainly unique. 

Time to Clean this Old House (It's been 3 years)

This year, before Christmas, I committed to become more organized, cook ahead, and work towards getting my house back in order.  You see three years ago a chain of events began and it has been a wild and blessed ride.  For nine months we fostered three babies two and a half, one and a half, and six months old bringing our household up to a family of seven.  Within a month after they went home, we fostered again and eventually adopted a three month old and a four and a half year old.  Shortly after they arrived, we found out that God had blessed us with an unexpected but long awaited pregnancy.  Life was a whirlwind, not a bad whirlwind, but busy and different.  We were emotionally and physically drained from a roller coaster ride of emotions and life lessons about love, control, peace, and grace.   Our baby is now almost eighteen months and life is finally settling in to a new normal as once again a family of seven.
Yesterday as I was working on deep cleaning and organizing in the kitchen, I was reflecting on the last three years.  I realized that for three years, deep cleaning, organizing, decorating, and crafting have taken a backseat as we worked hard to care for our precious little ones and figured out how to manage life as a large family.  These kids have all eaten yummy homecooked meals.  The house has been cleaned, not deep cleaned, but cleaned.  Best of all we have had fun but those personal, fresh, decorative touches have been missing.  Those touches that tell my family I love them and make me smile when I walk by them. 
After three years, the clutter, dust and cobwebs are starting to overflow out of their hiding spots, behind closet and cabinet doors.  It reminds me of the song by Sanctus Real called Whatever Your Doing.  In that song, there is a line that I replay over and over in my head.  It says "Time to face up Clean this old house, time to breathe in and let everything out."  It is time...time to declutter to create room to breathe, time to organize to create peace, time to let my family know that I love them by lighting a candle or making our home look pretty with those loving touches.  I want people to be able to drop by without feeling that panic in my bones that says my home is not good enough because I haven't made time in my busy schedule to make it, not perfect, but good enough.  It is funny how God always seems to send a blog my way right when I need it.  Yesterday Better Mom was sharing about "keeping your house and your heart clean."  How fitting.
The chorus goes on to say "Whatever You're doing inside of me It feels like chaos but I believe You're up to something bigger than me Larger than life something Heavenly."  It describes life so well right now.  God has created this Heavenly Chaos but there is immense peace in trusting that this is bigger than me but He is in control.  So I start in the heart of my home...the kitchen.  I clean, declutter and light a candle because "It's time to breathe in and let everything out."
Read more: SANCTUS REAL - WHATEVER YOUR DOING LYRICS 


BEFORE...Even with dishes done and things more picked up the counter was still cluttered with crock pots, dish soap, cups, etc.  It never felt clean.
 

AFTER...I cleaned basically everything off of the counter tops except for the bare necessities.  I cleaned out the island cabinet and threw away old crock pots and overflow plastic containers to make room for the crock pot and coffee pot that sat on the counter.  I moved the radio to the living room and put dish soap and scrubbers etc under the sink.  I made a permanent home for everything I didn't want out.
 

I have a basket for my papers and bills in a nook beside the fridge because they never make it to the desk downstairs so papers need their place.  I also created a cup station from a 9x9 glass pan (kind of hard to see).  The kids cups needed a home instead of an area so that they have concrete boundaries for where cups need to be.

This is my kitchen cleaning list broken down into two weeks.  Obviously the day to day washing dishes etc isn't on this list.  My original list and ideas came from flylady but I have modified them quite a bit to make them fit our home.  I have a total of eight weeks worth of "zone" lists.  Originally these zones were designed to be done in a month but that is not realistic around here.  I broke it down even further to make full deep cleaning last two months and maybe just maybe be more doable.  The kitchen is the hardest room for me to get done and move on from.  I have been stuck on it for about three years now :).  So I am taking two weeks and then moving on...done or not.

My Christmas Wish

I blog this dear friends so that maybe knowing that all of  you know, will help my dreams of the perfect Holiday come true, instead of the nightmare version that could very easily happen without the organization that it takes to orchestrate our way through my favorite beloved holiday...Christmas.

 I LOVE Christmas.  Our tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving.  We bake cookies, we make ornaments and fun Christmas crafts, we look at the lights, and we spend lots of quality and quantity time with family.  The kind of time where you get past the visiting and move on to the games, puzzles, and Christmas Movies all over Christmas goodies, hot chocolate and Anne's famous Christmas Tea.  This is the time slow down and enjoy those memories and traditions with family.
Such tranquil memories, until I think about the preparation that it takes to get there.  I find that this time each year I start thinking about making plans for Christmas, with the best of intentions, but typically I make plans to be organized and don't  follow through. The Christmas Season brings mayhem.  We have a gazillion presents to purchase. We frantically cook and clean and cook and clean some more.  We have to juggle schedules to get everyone to where they need to go.  We have to find babysitters so that we can shop and so that we can attend the Christmas Parties.  We cook and clean and cook and clean some more.  Then we wrap and wrap and wrap.  Time finally runs out and Christmas  arrives.  Oh yeah,  I almost forgot one SMALL detail...this year I am homeschooling five children through it all.  No pressure or anything to be that Superhero Homeschool Mom of the Year OR damage my children's education FOREVER (just kidding...a little dramatic flair just makes the post more exciting)! 
This year I have to make plans to be more organized and stick with them.  If I don't you may find me so overwhelmed that I am crying in the corner, with all five of my children running amuck, having to order Pizza every night for supper, and everyone getting socks and underwear from us this year because I don't have an ounce of creativity left in me.
So these are my plans to organize and simplify in order to enjoy this season.  I will try to blog on my progress and share my recipe's etc with you all.  If there are no more posts about this you know that my organization plan has probably failed miserably.
*1. In the rest of October and November, I plan to make 20 freezer meals and plan out 10 crock pot meals to cover the Month of December (so we don't have to eat Pizza every night). I know that we won't use all thirty in December but having some freezer/crock pot meals into January will make for a Happy New Year.   I will try to share many of my freezer recipes in another post.
*2.  I want to start shopping earlier this year and give more home made gifts.  Again I will share with you some homemade gift ideas in another post.

*3.  Instead of the 12,000 gifts our children received from us last year, many of which they don't care about anymore, our children will receive 3-4 quality gifts each.  After purchasing all of those gifts we watched an advent video series in Sunday School that talked about really scaling back Christmas and maybe not even giving gifts.  I don't think we can go that far...we already gave up Halloween, but I do think that we need to be more intentional about our gift giving.  We haven't decided yet if we are giving  four gifts something you want, something you need, something you wear, and something you read or give the Three Wise Men Gifts...Gold (the bigger gift they really want) frankincense (a Spiritual Gift), myrrh (something for their bodies...perfume, clothing or also perfect for my back up socks and underwear plan :)  You can read more about the Three Gift plan here.
*4. Another thought is to re purpose items from the past and make them new again.  Our oldest two have so much great stuff.  They were the first grandchildren on my side and well lets just say that first Christmas, we had to make more than one trip home WITH OUR TRUCK.  When they were little, both Monte and I worked lots of hours to provide them with all the stuff they could ever need (I type that sarcastically while shaking my head...we were so misguided).  Much of the stuff is still good it just needs a bit of TLC.  For example our oldest daughter had an old, but sturdy, rocker that needs to be recovered with maybe a black and pink Zebra print or something flashy and voila there is a gift that our two year old would absolutely LOVE.  Another great gift would be batteries.  Soooooooooooo many toys in our house would be new again with batteries.  We buy a couple of jumbo packs a month around here but we never have enough for everything.

*5.  Start Deep Cleaning Now.  Normal Monday house cleaning will continue but we will add on a few rooms of deep cleaning each week.  With so many children, our house never stays completely clean but deep cleaning lasts a long time.  Things like dusting ceiling fans, cleaning light fixtures, scrubbing and straightening cabinets etc.  My plan is to divide deep cleaning of the whole house into eight weeks and to finish before Christmas. 

So that's it in a nutshell.  I want to be present this year instead of focusing on all the presents.  I want to work ahead so that I can make and bake stuff with my kids and enjoy and celebrate the birth of Christ with my kids and focus of the joy instead of the chaos with my kids (and Monte of course).  They won't always remember the presents they got but they will remember the time that we spent together.  Picture being there to celebrate Christmas through the eyes of a one and a two year old and a six year old who is just discovering the meaning and the true joy of Jesus and traditions that Christmas holds. Imagine celebrating with the bustle and excitement of a house with five beautiful blessings.  That's my Christmas Wish...What's Yours? 

Stop Grumbling and Start Teaching

 

This morning I walked around the house grumbling at my children.  Even my older children were not getting ready for our morning without numerous reminders.  Chores were left undone or partially done and there were trails of clothes and toys scattered about.  These are the times when I forget how much I love being at home with all of them and I start to complain and grumble and raise my voice and become that mean mom that no one wants to be.  I did something that I don't do enough.  No, I didn't put them in jail, although I wanted to, instead I asked God for help.  I settled everyone in to chores and the start of school and I snuck off to my room.  I opened up my Bible, which I also don't do enough, and I read Proverbs 1-2 and this is what I found:

"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom
and applying your heart to understanding—
 indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,
and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
 He holds success in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.
Then you will understand what is right and just and fair—every good path.
For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.
Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you."
Proverbs 2:1-11

God was telling me to listen to His words and cry out for understanding and I would find the knowledge of God.  God said that He will help me to understand what is just and what is fair and give me wisdom and knowledge that will be pleasant and calm by soul.  Yes!!!  That is just what I need.  God whispered "stop grumbling and start teaching...I will give you the wisdom that you need."

I went on to start school.  I decided that it was time to dive in to another character study.  We had finished with our study on obedience but had not started a new one.  Guess what was next... Diligence.  It was about doing things right the first time, finishing what we start, following instructions, concentrating on our tasks and not being lazy (modified from Character First).  Perfect.  Each child was able to come up with ways that we all could be more diligent around our house and we set a goal to memorize Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters."

Last but certainly not least, God hit me over the head with a ton of bricks just to drive the point home.  He sent a blog (The Better Mom) onto my facebook page that talked about grumbling being a sign of being without purpose.  Um somewhere along the way I forgot that I do have a purpose, and not just a small one.  I am raising up my children to be ready to serve God's Kingdom and that my friends is very important work.

Adoption...Can We Love Them As Much?

As we explored foster care and adoption one question came up for us over and over again.  Could we possibly love them as much as our biological children?  When our biological children were born, there was this immediate overflowing sense of love.  A love that words cannot even begin to describe.  A love so deep that your heart aches to its very core.  Now when we first learned that we were expecting  it was exciting but over nine months time our love grew and grew along with them until we nearly burst with the anticipation of their arrival.  Even though it felt like this unconditional love happened all in that instant in reality it grew for ten months as they each grew in my womb.  Upon their arrival each baby reciprocated our love and trusted us to meet their every need.

Adoption is very very different.   When you foster children in your home the initial plan is always to return them to their biological parents.  Appropriate extended family placements are always a second choice and if no one is able to take children then they are available for adoption by foster families.  There are no guarantees that any child will become a part of your family no matter how much you love them.  As foster families we naturally guard our hearts.  The process takes time, years in fact.  We wait as parents attempt to change behaviors and jump through legal hoops to bring their children back home to them.  During that time we love but we love as if the child isn't ours, because they aren't, and we guard our hearts and brace ourselves for the heartbreak that easily could come.  Children long to return home to the familiar no matter how dysfunctional and loving others only brings deep emotional conflict and feelings of disloyalty to their "real family.  In our experience even babies mourn the loss of the familiar and of that connection with their birth families.

So this is where we begin...skepticism instead of trust, fear to love again from both parent and child, deep sorrow and emotional scars and pain.  Parent and child have endured years of the ups and downs that the system offers.  Somewhere along the way, we came to the realization that we had to stop guarding our hearts.  We had to open ourselves up and give them all the love that we had so that we could all start to heal.  It would never work if we didn't.  And even when we did there are no guarantees that there will be happy ending.  We can give them all the love we have but only God can heal their hurting hearts.  In the meantime we will be there as they work through each hurt and as they ache for the family that they lost.

These two adore each other and do not know or understand the words biological or adopted. 
They just know the deep love of being family.

Can we love them as much?  With adoption the love grows differently.  It is the kind of love that sneaks up on you slowly and quietly.  It is the kind of love that takes time and one day you realize that you would miss them deeply if they weren't there.  Its the kind of love that makes you realize your family will never be the same and you will take the good times with the bad times and wouldn't want it any other way.    Our family may look different than even we expected but we love them all just as much.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Having Enough Hands for Everyone and Baby Wearing

I have never been a "baby wearer."  Maybe in part because adding a baby and a tight fitting wrap to my already large frame isn't exactly flattering.  At one point in our life when we had our two older children and three foster children all under two and a half I thought I would give it a try.  I never had enough hands for everyone so this was my solution.  Strap the littlest one to me and have two hands free to wrangle the other two.  Sounded like a great idea.  I went out and spent $75 on a wrap at a local baby boutique.  I brought it home and tried it out.  It was extremely complicated to figure out and once I did,  my back was killing me after only 30 minutes.  Luckily I had enough sense to return it instead of throwing it in a pile with all of the other "necessary" unused baby equipment.
Fast forward to present day.  Mornings are full of homeschooling.  Some days Gracen just needs some love and so I carry him with me as I work with the older kids.  Vaeh is often happy to play or color close by.  Once again I am finding myself needing more hands.  I saw on a blogging sight how to make your own wrap and also found some you tube videos with instruction on wrapping it.  I decided to give it one more try.  I am glad that I did and  wish that I had worn Gracen since he was tiny.  Within minutes of wrapping him in it he fell fast asleep even with all the commotion of school going on around him.  He felt calm and cozy.  Now typically at his age he doesn't love it for long but I snuggle him in for a time while I help the older children with school and then he is ready to run and play again on his own.   This will also be nice for those nature walks where strollers aren't easy to maneuver.
This time I am happy to say that I spent around twelve dollars (instead of seventy five).  All it takes is seven yards of fabric (a cotton blend is recommended but I could only find locally was 100% cotton).  I did find a ribbed cotton and it seems to provide enough stretch to make it work.  A stretchy knit can be used for littler lighter babies.  You actually cut the fabric in half long ways so it makes two wraps.  Knit does not need the edges sewn but the cotton will need a hem.  I am still using mine with raw edges and it of course functions fine.  I just looked up wrapping babies online and lots of sights and videos popped up showing how to wrap a baby.  I experimented a bit and came up with a way to wrap that was very comfortable for both Gracen and I.
So there it is...my inexpensive baby wrap.  A wonderful home school tool.

Fall is Coming (and my least favorite holiday Halloween)

 

Halloween for me is a very controversial holiday.  As a child I loved Halloween.  It meant dressing up and trick or treating with friends in our neighborhood where there were no strangers.  A highlight was carving pumpkins with my dad.  I will never forget in my tween years how horrified I was when he made our pumpkin have snot (pumpkin slime) coming out of it's nose.  We wore the same costumes year after year (I was either bugs bunny or a witch) and we smoked candy cigarettes (I know bad to the bone right).  It was a holiday that celebrated being tricky and maybe a little bit naughty and you got candy, lots and lots of candy.

The holiday and my heart have changed drastically since those days of innocence.  Every year I grumble as Halloween comes near.  I procrastinate costume buying because in the back of my mind I am thinking about boycotting the holiday altogether.  You cannot wear the same costume year after year anymore it just isn't cool. Our neighborhood (any neighborhood for that matter) is no longer so safe.  Learning that our neighbor was a sex offender ten years back made us look at people very differently and guard our children very carefully.    We have seen the evil in this world and through foster care have met the families that it destroys and children that it leaves behind.  The holiday just seems well evil and frankly I no longer want to celebrate evil.

In the past I have allowed our children to participate.  The school does its annual Halloween parade and parties.  I was never brave enough to stand up for my own distaste about the holiday.  I even could have pulled my children out of school and have a fun day with them but I didn't want to deprive them of the fun.  I didn't stand firm in my convictions and show them how to stand up for what you know in your heart is right.  I missed a valuable opportunity to teach about the peer pressure of this world.   That being said,  I respect those families who can get through Halloween unscathed by the images and attitude that Halloween encourages.  If you are careful,  it may be possible.  We tried with non-scary costumes and making trick or treating an opportunity to visit the grandparents.

This year it is kind of a cop out.  Because we are homeschooling, it is much easier to take a stand...so I am.  There will be no Halloween here.  Instead,  we will celebrate the bounty of the harvest.  God has truly blessed us and we will focus on thankfulness, on not just on one day, thanksgiving, but throughout the season.  We will look at God's creation and observe the beauty that He brings us during the fall in our nature study.  Science will be observing and identifying birds in their natural fall habitats.  Writing will include thankfulness journals and character study will include gratefulness.  Now I am not saying that we won't indulge on any of the candy or enjoy any of the other festivities that the season has to offer.  What I am saying is that we will be more intentional about our focus. 

 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

 

 

*Did your family celebrate Halloween growing up? What are some of your favorite fun and non scary memories of Halloween?

 

Obedience

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” ^{Ephesians 6:1-3}

For the last few weeks our character study has been about obedience.  We have realized
that we really didn't understand the depth of the importance of teaching our children to obey.
Having our children's heart and obedience is very closely linked and it is extremely important for their future walk with their creator.  Through us they are learning about having a loving relationship with someone who has authority over them, much like our adult relationship with our Heavenly Father.  It seems like an overwhelming and impossible request but we are to teach our children obedience now so that they can be obedient to God as adults.  Part of obedience is not questioning what is asked of us and instead figuring out how to accomplish this seemingly impossible task.  As parents, God commands that we teach our children obedience to further His kingdom.  Honestly a bunch of unruly children or adults are not going to be able to make much of an impact for Him.
In these weeks we have learned and taught our children that when we obey we don't question a NO (instead we pray that God will change the heart of the one we are asking).  We obey with a cheerful heart.  We obey the first time and do the job completely.  We put all of our energy into a task and do not make plans for play (or multi-task moms).  We have to have an "I can" attitude and figure out how to get done what is requested of us.  Obedience is sometimes doing a job now and understanding later.  Obedience is based on what God tells us is right and true.  *This list was adapted from Character Journal.com.
We also learned that we are under God's protection so long as we are obedient but once we choose to be, or allow our children to be, disobedient to God and His teachings we are opening ourselves and our children up to satan's control.  So the choices are that our children are under God's protection or under satan's control.  I don't think that this is much of a choice.  We have to teach them to obey us and God.  Now this is no easy task my friends in fact it often seems impossible.  Not one day goes by that Satan doesn't put the thought in our heads that this is too hard and we will never teach all of these children to be obedient.  We cannot be deceived by satan or society.  This is more important than we thought.
^"Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.  Anyone who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me." 
John 14:23-24

Mama Said Their Would Be Days Like These

Friday was one of those days for me.  You know the kind where nothing seems to go right.  The kids misbehaved (a lot), the cloth diapers I just invested in appear to not be the quality I originally thought, my toddler wanted nothing but to be held, very little homeschooling got accomplished, I realized I didn't have what I need to make dinner (and ended up getting pizza, again), oh and the washing machine started making a strange clunking noise just as I realized I need to put in a load of stinky cloth diapers like now.  The washer was certainly the icing on the cake but it was a lot of icing to handle.  You see when the washer goes on the fritz I panic.  I do laundry at least every other day, if not every day and now with cloth diapers no washer is just not an option.
Monte looked at the washer while he was home for lunch but it wasn't what he thought it might be.  After some brainstorming and talking to the lady at the parts store we thought we might have a cheap solution.  They closed at six and we needed to see if we could figure out what parts we needed before he could get home from work so...a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

I tackled the project with a baby on my hip (Payton later helped out and entertained Gracen).  After lots of fumbling around, a few phone calls to Monte, and hunting through the messy garage I found the correct tools.  I got online and watched a youtube video on replacing the agitator dogs and I went to work.  And...I got it all apart.  I couldn't really tell if the parts were bad enough to cause our problem or not but it was worth a shot.  

Monte and I divided up the kids, some  went with him to the parts store thirty miles away while I took a few with me to the store to restock the fridge.   The Cloth diaper lady called and the diapers were not defective after all (more on this in another post).  School work will get caught up next week.  The washer got fixed.  Diapers got washed. We even took a moment after the kids went to bed to sit down and catch up on some of our favorite shows.  **Sigh**  I am so grateful to have a husband who can fix things, especially after I take them apart.

God made no promises that life would be easy just because we believe in Him. He does promise to walk with us through even the most trivial trials each and every day.  Through Him we can acquire patience, wisdom, and even accomplish things we can't on our own.   Everyday I tell my children "I can't doesn't live here."  Being obedient means being creative and figuring out how to accomplish what is asked of you each day.  I guess that applies to mommas too!

 

Take heart all you mothers in the hood because Gods Word tells us:

^"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."

James 1:12

The Great Cloth Diaper Experiment

They even come in colors to match Gracen's favorite Pacifier!

Shortly before the birth of our first child eleven years ago, a friend spoke of trying cloth diapers.  I thought that they were crazy.  Why in the world would you want to deal with the "ick" factor and all of the extra work that cloth diapers would create.  At the time, I was a working mom and really did not care about the money that it would possibly save.  It was just not feasible to expect those who cared for my children to deal with their poo in this way.  Anyway, we were a bit frivolous with our spending and we could be at the time, though we regret that now.

Fast forward eleven years.  We have now been blessed with five beautiful children, two of whom are still in diapers.  We have somehow been given the opportunity by God's grace for me to stay home with my children and be mother and teacher to them.  We can't really explain it but at the end of the month the children are fed and cared for and the bills are paid.  Over and over God provides for us in crazy ways and we are grateful.  But we still hold on to many unnecessary conveniences.  Our Mennonite upbringing naturally breeds frugalness but our selfish sense of entitlement says we deserve the best because we are good people you know.

A few days ago, as Monte and I were looking over our finances and paying bills, I noticed that our Walmart receipts had been creeping up again.  We are working hard to pay off that frivolous spending from the days when we thought that we could afford it.  Kind of ironic we are working on paying off bills from the days of two incomes with only one income but that's another blog post.  Groceries and hygiene items are one area that seems like a constant struggle to keep a handle on.  A few unnecessary items here and there don't seem like a big deal until you take it times seven.  I am always looking for ways to cut back.  Monte on the other hand is very satisfied with my frugal shopping abilities and says "good grief for seven people I don't think we can do better than that."  Even as a child, my mother has always complimented me on my ability to scrimp and save to accomplish what I wanted.  So when I heard those words "I don't think we can do better than that," it became a challenge.  You bet we can.  And so was born The Great Cloth Diaper Experiment...Dun Dun DUUUU (sorry felt the need for some dramatic music).

So here's the way I figure it.  Cloth diapers are an investment (they are not cheap) and they are tricky and hard to deal with right?  Well not any more (sorry not trying to sound like an infomercial but hear me out).  The cloth diaper market has become super innovative and competitive partially due to families trying to be more green and other families trying to save more green :).  The trend is going back to cloth diapers.  From my extensive research, the easiest cloth diapers out there are all-in-ones or pocket diapers but, they are much pricier than the cheaper, more difficult pre-folded diapers and covers, or so I thought.  I found a mom out of Wyoming who has a cloth diaper business and sells pocket diapers for very reasonable, actually cheaper than prefolds and covers.  She says she is doing it more as a service to single income families and making a bit on the side for herself.  For $180 I got adjustable size cloth pocket diapers and inserts that will work for two little people ($100 per child).  It will take 2 1/2 months to break even on the deal and then diapers will be FREE!  So I promised Monte to do cloth diapers for at least 2 1/2 months until they are paid for with the intention of using them long term.

I am not naive.  I have done my research and thought this through.  I will have to wash diapers every other day.  I do so much laundry now that another few loads a week is really no big deal.  There is also a special way to wash and dry cloth diapers so that they will still absorb those wonderful bodily fluids.  Monte has agreed to hook up a special diaper sprayer to the toilet water line so that I can rinse diapers without sticking my hand in the toilet and possibly loosing my lunch. And I know it may be a bit messy and leaky until I get the hang of it and remember to change those little bottoms more often.  I also know that there will be times when disposables are just more convenient and appropriate for the outing and I am going to be realistic and not feel guilty about that.  But I am going to try it out and maybe even like it. 
*My full shipment of diapers is scheduled to arrive shortly.  In the near future, I will update on how it is going and include links to where I purchased my diapers.

Little Helpers

In the last two years our family has gone from a family of four to a family of seven.  In what seemed like an instant life changed drastically for all of us.  God has overwhelmingly blessed us with the birth of another child and adoption of two more and we are thankful.  A family of seven requires life to become more intentional and we needed to be more intentional.  A family of seven means that we can no longer be in control of everything all the time and we have to rely on everyone to pull their share of the load to make life happen.
Back when we were a family of four, the adults used to basically do everything around the house.  Very little was required of our children and we were for the most part all ok with that.  For the kids, food just appeared on the table, the house magically was cleaned, laundry just did itself, the yard work just happened, and food and needed stuff just appeared from the store without any effort (on their part). With five children a life like this is no longer possible and that is a blessing.  We didn't realize how little we were teaching our children.  They had never experienced hard work or even the concept of working together to accomplish needed tasks around our home.  We had failed as parents because it was easier to do what needed to be done than to teach them.
Once our family size increased it became impossible for us to do it all.  We needed them and we were forced to teach them.  Teach them the things we should have been teaching them anyway.  I never would have guessed that I had such willing helpers right in front of me all along.  I am proud to say that they have all stepped up and understand that they are all needed to make our large family work.  There are even many days when a child asks me how they can help (which still catches me off guard).  Now don't get me wrong there are days when they don't want to help but I have some of those days myself.  For the most part everyone works together and gets the job done without complaint.  More often than not, they enjoy our time working together.  Sometimes we even try to make it fun with little games or races.  In the past few years our children have learned to help care for the little people, fold laundry, help in the kitchen, help with dusting and vacuuming, help clean bathrooms, do yard work, and much more.

When we first started requiring our children to help their was a steep learning curve.  I had to teach them everything and it was difficult.  As they learned and perfected each task it became easier and easier.  I am still learning who's skills and talents work best for each job.  Also some tasks are more enjoyable for one child than another.  Payton, our nine year old loves to vacuum and is very meticulous about matching up the lines side by side so that he covers every inch of carpet.  Who knew?  This is my kid who is definitely not detail oriented.  Bentley, eleven, loves helping with the younger children, even if that means folding baby clothes and cleaning up their messes.  She adores them and would do anything for them.  Conner, six, loves dusting and wiping down walls and takes a lot of pride in wiping away little finger prints and other icky things that don't belong on walls.
There are times when I have to work hard to let go of my ideas of perfection.  I can require their best work but no more.  I have heard the phrase "mom I'm just a kid" more than once. I have to step back and decide if my expectations are realistic, often they are not.  If a child is unable to do a task to an acceptable standard then I give them time to work on it and if it is still unacceptable we re-arrange responsibilities until we find the best kid for the job or we give that responsibility back to an adult and will try again later.
Some may feel sorry for our children or maybe even for us because large families are a lot of work.  Please don't.  The blessings of a large family far outweigh the few disadvantages.  "A little hard work never hurt anyone" in fact it is making us all better people.  We all feel needed and most of all loved.  I really don't miss those days when I worked by myself.  I still work hard, maybe even harder, but it doesn't feel like it because I am no longer doing it alone.  We are working side by side making memories out of the mundane.
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,  since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."  Colossians 3:23-24

The Truth

One thing that I love about blogging is that it helps me focus on the positive things happening in our home.  It allows me to reflect and learn.    I don't want to dwell on the negative but instead focus on the positive and where I strive to be.  But, for those of you who know me, you know I am a "tell it like it is" kind of a girl. I want you to know that our life is not as perfect as it sometimes appears.  I, like all moms, struggle.  So in order to be honest, here's THE TRUTH:

My kids ate leftover Peach Cobbler for breakfast this morning.  It is basically biscuit dough on the top right?  Fruit and biscuits that's not so bad.  Don't worry I haven't completely lost it, they did NOT get ice cream on top!

If you came to my house today, or any day, this is what you would see in my laundry room.  Somehow I am able to keep the laundry clean but rarely put away.   Before our remodel, the laundry room was on the main floor right inside the back door and it was always a big embarrassment to me (and that was when we only had 2 kids).  When we added the basement I insisted that a main floor laundry room was not in my best interest so we moved the laundry to the basement behind closed doors.  I started to implement a family closet for the children so that I could put their laundry away without ever leaving the laundry room.  This has helped immensely but a larger more organized family closet is on my list (Monte is cringing as he reads about my next re-organizing project).  I will blog about it after WE get it done.

Sometimes Often times, especially during the day, my kitchen looks like this.  I love to bake and cook for my family and this is the result.  Monte enjoys my cooking as much as anyone and many times lovingly cleans up my mess in exchange for yummy food.  I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband!

Things like this grow in the way back of my fridge where food gets forgotten.  They just do...I try but all I have to say for myself is eeeewwww!

My last and biggest truth (literally) is that I have struggled with my weight for many years.  I am proud to say that I am down 37 pounds since the birth of Gracen, our youngest.  I still have another 30+ pounds to go but I am doing something about it for the first time in many years.  I will share in detail about my weight loss journey in the near future.

So there it is...the truth.  Sorry mom hope I didn't embarrass you too much :)!  I guess my point is things aren't perfect around here and I am not trying to pretend like they are.  This season of life is not about perfection. It is about living intentionally with our children,  doing our best everyday, learning from our mistakes, and moving on.  Being present in this moment and not worrying about the shoulda, woulda, couldas because honestly that gets us no where.  So that's my truth in a nutshell.  There's more I am sure but for now this is enough truth for one day.

Ephesians 2:8-9
^"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast."