Adoption...Can We Love Them As Much?

As we explored foster care and adoption one question came up for us over and over again.  Could we possibly love them as much as our biological children?  When our biological children were born, there was this immediate overflowing sense of love.  A love that words cannot even begin to describe.  A love so deep that your heart aches to its very core.  Now when we first learned that we were expecting  it was exciting but over nine months time our love grew and grew along with them until we nearly burst with the anticipation of their arrival.  Even though it felt like this unconditional love happened all in that instant in reality it grew for ten months as they each grew in my womb.  Upon their arrival each baby reciprocated our love and trusted us to meet their every need.

Adoption is very very different.   When you foster children in your home the initial plan is always to return them to their biological parents.  Appropriate extended family placements are always a second choice and if no one is able to take children then they are available for adoption by foster families.  There are no guarantees that any child will become a part of your family no matter how much you love them.  As foster families we naturally guard our hearts.  The process takes time, years in fact.  We wait as parents attempt to change behaviors and jump through legal hoops to bring their children back home to them.  During that time we love but we love as if the child isn't ours, because they aren't, and we guard our hearts and brace ourselves for the heartbreak that easily could come.  Children long to return home to the familiar no matter how dysfunctional and loving others only brings deep emotional conflict and feelings of disloyalty to their "real family.  In our experience even babies mourn the loss of the familiar and of that connection with their birth families.

So this is where we begin...skepticism instead of trust, fear to love again from both parent and child, deep sorrow and emotional scars and pain.  Parent and child have endured years of the ups and downs that the system offers.  Somewhere along the way, we came to the realization that we had to stop guarding our hearts.  We had to open ourselves up and give them all the love that we had so that we could all start to heal.  It would never work if we didn't.  And even when we did there are no guarantees that there will be happy ending.  We can give them all the love we have but only God can heal their hurting hearts.  In the meantime we will be there as they work through each hurt and as they ache for the family that they lost.

These two adore each other and do not know or understand the words biological or adopted. 
They just know the deep love of being family.

Can we love them as much?  With adoption the love grows differently.  It is the kind of love that sneaks up on you slowly and quietly.  It is the kind of love that takes time and one day you realize that you would miss them deeply if they weren't there.  Its the kind of love that makes you realize your family will never be the same and you will take the good times with the bad times and wouldn't want it any other way.    Our family may look different than even we expected but we love them all just as much.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Having Enough Hands for Everyone and Baby Wearing

I have never been a "baby wearer."  Maybe in part because adding a baby and a tight fitting wrap to my already large frame isn't exactly flattering.  At one point in our life when we had our two older children and three foster children all under two and a half I thought I would give it a try.  I never had enough hands for everyone so this was my solution.  Strap the littlest one to me and have two hands free to wrangle the other two.  Sounded like a great idea.  I went out and spent $75 on a wrap at a local baby boutique.  I brought it home and tried it out.  It was extremely complicated to figure out and once I did,  my back was killing me after only 30 minutes.  Luckily I had enough sense to return it instead of throwing it in a pile with all of the other "necessary" unused baby equipment.
Fast forward to present day.  Mornings are full of homeschooling.  Some days Gracen just needs some love and so I carry him with me as I work with the older kids.  Vaeh is often happy to play or color close by.  Once again I am finding myself needing more hands.  I saw on a blogging sight how to make your own wrap and also found some you tube videos with instruction on wrapping it.  I decided to give it one more try.  I am glad that I did and  wish that I had worn Gracen since he was tiny.  Within minutes of wrapping him in it he fell fast asleep even with all the commotion of school going on around him.  He felt calm and cozy.  Now typically at his age he doesn't love it for long but I snuggle him in for a time while I help the older children with school and then he is ready to run and play again on his own.   This will also be nice for those nature walks where strollers aren't easy to maneuver.
This time I am happy to say that I spent around twelve dollars (instead of seventy five).  All it takes is seven yards of fabric (a cotton blend is recommended but I could only find locally was 100% cotton).  I did find a ribbed cotton and it seems to provide enough stretch to make it work.  A stretchy knit can be used for littler lighter babies.  You actually cut the fabric in half long ways so it makes two wraps.  Knit does not need the edges sewn but the cotton will need a hem.  I am still using mine with raw edges and it of course functions fine.  I just looked up wrapping babies online and lots of sights and videos popped up showing how to wrap a baby.  I experimented a bit and came up with a way to wrap that was very comfortable for both Gracen and I.
So there it is...my inexpensive baby wrap.  A wonderful home school tool.

Fall is Coming (and my least favorite holiday Halloween)

 

Halloween for me is a very controversial holiday.  As a child I loved Halloween.  It meant dressing up and trick or treating with friends in our neighborhood where there were no strangers.  A highlight was carving pumpkins with my dad.  I will never forget in my tween years how horrified I was when he made our pumpkin have snot (pumpkin slime) coming out of it's nose.  We wore the same costumes year after year (I was either bugs bunny or a witch) and we smoked candy cigarettes (I know bad to the bone right).  It was a holiday that celebrated being tricky and maybe a little bit naughty and you got candy, lots and lots of candy.

The holiday and my heart have changed drastically since those days of innocence.  Every year I grumble as Halloween comes near.  I procrastinate costume buying because in the back of my mind I am thinking about boycotting the holiday altogether.  You cannot wear the same costume year after year anymore it just isn't cool. Our neighborhood (any neighborhood for that matter) is no longer so safe.  Learning that our neighbor was a sex offender ten years back made us look at people very differently and guard our children very carefully.    We have seen the evil in this world and through foster care have met the families that it destroys and children that it leaves behind.  The holiday just seems well evil and frankly I no longer want to celebrate evil.

In the past I have allowed our children to participate.  The school does its annual Halloween parade and parties.  I was never brave enough to stand up for my own distaste about the holiday.  I even could have pulled my children out of school and have a fun day with them but I didn't want to deprive them of the fun.  I didn't stand firm in my convictions and show them how to stand up for what you know in your heart is right.  I missed a valuable opportunity to teach about the peer pressure of this world.   That being said,  I respect those families who can get through Halloween unscathed by the images and attitude that Halloween encourages.  If you are careful,  it may be possible.  We tried with non-scary costumes and making trick or treating an opportunity to visit the grandparents.

This year it is kind of a cop out.  Because we are homeschooling, it is much easier to take a stand...so I am.  There will be no Halloween here.  Instead,  we will celebrate the bounty of the harvest.  God has truly blessed us and we will focus on thankfulness, on not just on one day, thanksgiving, but throughout the season.  We will look at God's creation and observe the beauty that He brings us during the fall in our nature study.  Science will be observing and identifying birds in their natural fall habitats.  Writing will include thankfulness journals and character study will include gratefulness.  Now I am not saying that we won't indulge on any of the candy or enjoy any of the other festivities that the season has to offer.  What I am saying is that we will be more intentional about our focus. 

 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

 

 

*Did your family celebrate Halloween growing up? What are some of your favorite fun and non scary memories of Halloween?

 

(Almost) Free Fun at the Fair

Having family fun doesn't have to mean spending lots of money.  We are learning to find cheap fun learning activities outside of our home.  Yesterday we went to the state fair.  It was dollar day so we paid a grand total of four dollars to get our family of seven in the gate.   There was lots of learning and fun to be had.  We did not ride the rides and we did not eat the fair food but we enjoyed being together and learning as a family.

The big kids enjoyed looking at the chickens, rabbits, sheep, horses, and cows in the animal barns.  We also spent some time in the birthing center.  We learned that a cow produces sixty gallons of milk in a week, way more than even our family could drink.  We saw lots of very cute baby animals and got to pet baby pigs.

Our babies enjoyed their new stroller that mommy found on craigslist.  They were both able to see well with their new side by side and it was much easier to maneuver for mom and dad.  It was even narrow enough to easily get through doorways and through narrow isles.  A sidenote on the babies for those of you following my cloth diaper journey...they both wore cloth diapers for the first time on an outing and it was successful (although there were no dirty diapers :). 

The kids always love the butter sculpture. If there is nothing else they see at the fair, they have to see this.

 We fell in love with Do Art.  The theme was space and the kids were offered tons of craft supplies and encouraged to be creative and make something from space.  The kids had lots of fun using their imaginations to make their Space Creations.  The best part was it was completely free.   Payton even went to one of the volunteers when we were done and thanked her and let her know that he would be back next year for more fun.  This was probably an absolute highlight for them.                     

Vaeh takes her art VERY seriously.  No smiles here but lots of concentration.  Creativity is hard work.  Her creation included lots of bling.

Gracen took the tractors and dirt at the Farm Bureau booth very seriously.  We participated in an agriculture quiz as a family and earned free ice cream cones for everyone at the dairy building.

We finished off our evening with a pb&j picnic supper in the parking lot.  Another dad of many (six to be exact) offered to trade us for tuna sandwiches that they also were enjoying in the parking lot and his wife complimented us on our lovely family.  It is encouraging to see others enjoying their many little blessings.

No one really cared about the missed rides or food (although it did smell good).  For four dollars plus gas we enjoyed a fun outing together learning and living intentionally.

 

 

 

  

Obedience

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” ^{Ephesians 6:1-3}

For the last few weeks our character study has been about obedience.  We have realized
that we really didn't understand the depth of the importance of teaching our children to obey.
Having our children's heart and obedience is very closely linked and it is extremely important for their future walk with their creator.  Through us they are learning about having a loving relationship with someone who has authority over them, much like our adult relationship with our Heavenly Father.  It seems like an overwhelming and impossible request but we are to teach our children obedience now so that they can be obedient to God as adults.  Part of obedience is not questioning what is asked of us and instead figuring out how to accomplish this seemingly impossible task.  As parents, God commands that we teach our children obedience to further His kingdom.  Honestly a bunch of unruly children or adults are not going to be able to make much of an impact for Him.
In these weeks we have learned and taught our children that when we obey we don't question a NO (instead we pray that God will change the heart of the one we are asking).  We obey with a cheerful heart.  We obey the first time and do the job completely.  We put all of our energy into a task and do not make plans for play (or multi-task moms).  We have to have an "I can" attitude and figure out how to get done what is requested of us.  Obedience is sometimes doing a job now and understanding later.  Obedience is based on what God tells us is right and true.  *This list was adapted from Character Journal.com.
We also learned that we are under God's protection so long as we are obedient but once we choose to be, or allow our children to be, disobedient to God and His teachings we are opening ourselves and our children up to satan's control.  So the choices are that our children are under God's protection or under satan's control.  I don't think that this is much of a choice.  We have to teach them to obey us and God.  Now this is no easy task my friends in fact it often seems impossible.  Not one day goes by that Satan doesn't put the thought in our heads that this is too hard and we will never teach all of these children to be obedient.  We cannot be deceived by satan or society.  This is more important than we thought.
^"Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.  Anyone who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me." 
John 14:23-24

Home School Reflections, August

August has been over for a few days now but my calendar has not yet been changed.  It can't be September already.  This month of homeschooling and life has flown by.  We have had extremely productive weeks and some not so productive weeks. 

In our History/Geography we studied about Delaware and Maine and we learned about how children lived in colonial times.  We found some really neat movies on the Visit Maine website about the wildlife in Maine and history of it's lighthouses.  A highlight for the kids was making blueberry muffins (blueberries are Maine's state berry and grow wild on the cliffs by the ocean).
Science has included the study of birds.  We are becoming birders and watching and identifying birds that come and go from our yard.  We also learned that God made birds to keep the insects under control.  When there are more insects around birds actually lay more eggs and we have more birds to control them.  Unfortunately science has been the one subject that has suffered the most from our busyness this month.  We are looking forward to learning, watching and identifying more next month and hopefully catching up a bit.
Math has included strengthening addition skills and introducing subtraction for our first grader, Conner.  Our third grader, Payton, has worked with rounding and estimating, subtracting large numbers, money, and time.  Our Fifth Grader, Bentley, is working on multiplying whole numbers and decimals and multiplying by powers of ten.  Luckily everyone excels in math.  I originally thought that they all might struggle as I wasn't sure where to begin and what they had mastered in school but they all seem to be at or above grade level.  Bentley has also been my helper while shopping this month and is learning that the lowest price is not always the best value.  She is using her rounding and estimating skills to figure out what we should purchase.  She makes this frugal mama proud.
Bentley is in the process of completing her first book report on Little Women, which she read over the summer.  Payton also completed a third grade (much shorter version) book report on his book Toliver's Secret.  Payton is following in Bentley's footsteps with his love of reading and I often find him reading somewhere in the afternoons rather than playing.  I have tried to challenge him with chapter books that will keep his interest and it seems to be working.  Conner's reading has also greatly improved in the last few months and he is beginning to gain confidence and enjoy it more and more.
Character building has covered obedience which I will share about soon in another post.  Bible reading has covered the book of Luke.

The babies are learning along side of us.  On this particular day they were mesmerized by the rain since we had not seen any in so long.  Gracen is going through a phase where if he can see me he wants to be held so that has been challenging while trying to help the older children but I cherish the moments with him.  Vaeh's vocabulary has quadrupled in the last month and it is a hoot to hear what she has to share, even if she is yelling it in the middle of math.
Our goals in the coming months are to add in some music and art appreciation and to spend more time on science. We are ahead of schedule on math so we may need to let that slide some days and change our priorities a bit.  Some days we may have to shift more of our mommy lead subjects to the afternoon during nap time so that we can accomplish more. Surprisingly the flexible schedule does not bother me as much as I thought that it might.
I continue to love our decision to homeschool and the kids do too.  I still don't have an abundent amount of patience but I am learning.  When things get rough it seems that God sends me little reminders that my children are a blessing and that's what keeps me going.

The Great Cloth Diaper Experiment (Part 3)

*If you haven't followed my journey to cloth diapering here are part one and part two of The Great Cloth Diaper Experiment.

After using cloth diapers for a week I love using cloth diapers but the jury is still out on if I love my cloth diapers. I have purposely omitted where I got them from my posts because I am still not totally convinced of their durability long term.  I purchased cloth pocket diapers.  The outer layer is made of PUL which is water proof to hold in the potty, the inner layer is made of soft micro fleece, and the inserts are made of microfiber.  The diaper construction seems good.  The snaps are all reinforced and the quality of the sewing seems excellent to my untrained eye.  The microfiber inserts hold a ton of liquid and the inner micro fleece keeps the babies dry.  I mean dry...much dryer than disposables.  Diaper rashes don't seem to be much of an issue.

This is the diaper (inside out) with the loosest PUL.

The only issue that I have is that most PUL diapers (polyurethane laminated fabric) have the polyurethane laminated or glued to the fabric.  What I did not realize is that the diapers I purchased have the PUL sewn in instead of laminated. They looked completely normal when I got them but once washed some looked like the picture.   PUL is supposed to be extremely durable and was originally designed for medical use so can withstand heat and multiple cleanings.  If you use heat it will shrink back down and be tight against the diaper.  With cloth diapers you are not supposed to use high heat in the regular washing or drying process because you wear out the elastic and can ruin the diapers.  After talking with the lady from whom I purchased my diapers she reassured me that she had made them this way for some time and the loose PUL was not an issue.  She said that they would stretch and shrink back down with washings and use and would not leak.  Within two washings I had a hole in the PUL of the green diaper shown above.  Some of the PUL has held true to the fabric.  Other diapers have let loose some but this is the worst.  Now I do have to say that she is standing behind her diapers and is sending me a new one free as well as a patch kit for the one that tore but needless to say I am concerned that this may continue to happen over time.  She has always returned my phone calls and been very patient and admits that maybe this diaper's PUL was not pulled tight when sewn.  She stands behind her product and has excellent customer service.
We have found that out and about potty diapers are not a problem but messy diapers are more of an issue, especially when we are gone for the whole day.  Our diaper sprayer at home makes clean up of messy diapers very easy and the laundry the diapers create is not much of an issue now that we have the routine figured out.
I will continue to use cloth diapers.  Because I love the way they work and the money that they save.  In hindsight I should have bought a few different brands and tried them all out to see what I liked best.  I have since found some other very economical choices for pocket diapers and will start purchasing a few at a time and try testing durability for a longer period to see what I decide on.  Both Monte and I are happy with our choice in spite of our concerns about the product and wish we had made the switch years ago.

"I Love My Mom's Buns!"

The big joke around our house is how much the kids love my buns (homemade hamburger  buns that is).  I found a very easy recipe for homemade buns on a large family blog and we have bought very few since.  In fact if the kids see me purchasing them at the store they start to complain.  Start to finish this recipe takes about thirty minutes to make and is super easy.  I make 1/3 to 1/4 of the recipe used on the post and it feeds our family of seven plus some.  I also use the version with white and wheat flour if I am planning on freezing some as the all wheat seems to fall apart after freezing.  I usually shape some into hot dog buns which are excellent for brats or sausage.
Many of you have asked for it so here is the link.  Make this recipe and your kids will love your buns too!  Enjoy.

Mama Said Their Would Be Days Like These

Friday was one of those days for me.  You know the kind where nothing seems to go right.  The kids misbehaved (a lot), the cloth diapers I just invested in appear to not be the quality I originally thought, my toddler wanted nothing but to be held, very little homeschooling got accomplished, I realized I didn't have what I need to make dinner (and ended up getting pizza, again), oh and the washing machine started making a strange clunking noise just as I realized I need to put in a load of stinky cloth diapers like now.  The washer was certainly the icing on the cake but it was a lot of icing to handle.  You see when the washer goes on the fritz I panic.  I do laundry at least every other day, if not every day and now with cloth diapers no washer is just not an option.
Monte looked at the washer while he was home for lunch but it wasn't what he thought it might be.  After some brainstorming and talking to the lady at the parts store we thought we might have a cheap solution.  They closed at six and we needed to see if we could figure out what parts we needed before he could get home from work so...a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

I tackled the project with a baby on my hip (Payton later helped out and entertained Gracen).  After lots of fumbling around, a few phone calls to Monte, and hunting through the messy garage I found the correct tools.  I got online and watched a youtube video on replacing the agitator dogs and I went to work.  And...I got it all apart.  I couldn't really tell if the parts were bad enough to cause our problem or not but it was worth a shot.  

Monte and I divided up the kids, some  went with him to the parts store thirty miles away while I took a few with me to the store to restock the fridge.   The Cloth diaper lady called and the diapers were not defective after all (more on this in another post).  School work will get caught up next week.  The washer got fixed.  Diapers got washed. We even took a moment after the kids went to bed to sit down and catch up on some of our favorite shows.  **Sigh**  I am so grateful to have a husband who can fix things, especially after I take them apart.

God made no promises that life would be easy just because we believe in Him. He does promise to walk with us through even the most trivial trials each and every day.  Through Him we can acquire patience, wisdom, and even accomplish things we can't on our own.   Everyday I tell my children "I can't doesn't live here."  Being obedient means being creative and figuring out how to accomplish what is asked of you each day.  I guess that applies to mommas too!

 

Take heart all you mothers in the hood because Gods Word tells us:

^"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."

James 1:12