Mama's Been Just A Bit Busy With Only Twenty Four Hours Left to Live

It has been a while since I last blogged but I have been just a bit busy!  Honestly thoughts come and go so quickly lately that blogging is almost impossible but my head is starting to clear and I am finally coming up for air!!
I can't believe it, Jackson will be four months old this next Monday (which reminds me I need to make an appointment for his four month check up)!  That's pretty much how my brain works these days...one thing reminds me of another until I find myself in a totally different part of the house dumbfounded.  Who was I helping?  What am I doing here?  Oh Yeah!  Anyway...  These early weeks haven't been easy.  Starting at about four weeks Jackson became a super fussy baby.  Days were rough.  Luckily he slept well at night which gave me time to recharge!  We tried everything... Zantac for reflux, gripe water to calm his gas, swaddling, changing my diet, EVERYTHING.  I thanked God every day for my big kid helpers, who helped with the other toddlers or bounced and soothed Jackson in between Math, Grammar, Spelling, History, Bible, and Science so that I could have a moment of Peace. The house was a wreck, really.   At one point I told Monte through my regular bout of evening tears, "it feels strange because he is the hardest baby ever but I don't love him any less."  At an appointment Jackson's doctor, in between screams, asked me if I was doing alright, I must have looked more than a little frazzled.  We had to leave his three week photo session with zero pictures because he screamed through the entire thing.  We couldn't go anywhere or do anything for fear he would break out in wails that we could not soothe.  I made note cards around the house and in the diaper bag to remind us of what we should check for because our brains were no longer functioning  at full capacity through the screaming (does he need a diaper, swaddled, to burp, to eat, to sleep).   Around  eight to ten weeks it just stopped.  At first I had one good day here and there until they became more and more frequent.  He went from what seemed like an impossible baby to an easy baby.   A smiling, happy sleep through the entire night at an extremely young age baby.  Finally I was able to get my head above water.  Whew.  Yes, to most I covered it well, and I didn't call for friend or family back up like I should have...that would have totally revealed the real vulnerable person behind the Super Mom Persona.  Why I really cared about that Super Mom Persona, I don't know but I guess that was all I had left.  Maybe I was terrified that we had tipped the scale from doable to impossible somewhere between child number five and child number six and people would not just think that I was insane...they might actually say it out loud.  It was during this time that I ran across a blog post where they were talking about how God never said He wouldn't give you more than you can handle because then you would never have to rely on Him.  We believe that every child is a blessing.  We know that God definitely teaches us and molds us through them.  These little blessings pretty much keep us humble and remind us that we are not in control.  God carried us through this difficult time and next time a mama says how her baby is super fussy I will get it and  lend a hand.

A few nights ago I had a dream.  I woke up in a cold sweat...God told me I had twenty four hours left to live and in my dream I couldn't figure out what to do with my final moments on earth.  I know I know kind of morbid but my mind always goes there around the end of my pregnancies and after the baby is born with all those hormones a ragin.  When I am making my freezer meals during this time, I write directions on all of them for Monte to follow so that at least my children will be well fed if I die.  What can I say it's true.  That morning I got out of bed at five a.m. and started my day off early since I couldn't sleep anyway after that.  I hoped that my dream wasn't true but I really felt at peace being home with my kiddos and spending that twenty four hours much like any other.  I stole extra hugs and cuddles and took a few more minutes to listen and talk and was definitely more intentional with my day but all in all it looked pretty much the same.  I was reminded that I am where I am supposed to be and I am doing what I am supposed to be doing.  I am a mama and a wife and if today is my last I am doing exactly what I want to be doing, wiping bottoms and noses, laughing at silly jokes, rocking and nursing my beautiful blond headed baby boy, learning alongside my babies, and lovin my crazy husband, who loves all these little people as much as i do. This is as good as it gets this side of Heaven, screaming babies and all.   AND bonus...it has been a few days and I'm still here!  Thanks God for the wake up call, I needed it. 

 

 

I Love My Kids More Than Homeschooling

This morning feels strange.  I packed up school supplies in a backpack and sent our seven year old off to public school.  Yesterday we met his teacher and saw his new class.  He bravely told me "mom it will feel weird at first and than after a few days it will be fun."  He has always been the bravest kid I know.

We homeschool...it has become part our identity as a family and part of my identity as a mom.  I do not believe that homeschooling is for everyone and I don't have anything against public school so why did this seem like such a hard decision?   Part of the reason that we wanted to homeschool was to become a more cohesive family after the adoption of two of our children in May of 2012.  Last year had its ups and downs but the academic part of homeschooling was actually easier than I thought it would be.  We had fun spending relaxed days learning and exploring together.  We had some intense emotional days of healing after the adoption of our little guy but we managed.  We revisited the plan to homeschool this year and we all agreed...we loved it and desperately wanted to continue.

As we got back into the full swing of school I began to realize that I was asking too much of our seven year old.  Too much of me and too much of him.  By asking him to be with us 24/7 I am asking him to do hard healing work without any emotional breaks.  I am being selfish.  I want him here with us...I want him to be one of us.  But in the process of trying to include him, I am asking him to work very very hard at keeping his big feelings under control and be a part of a family without creating chaos.  I am asking him to go from a home with very little attention to a home with lots and lots of attention and not go on overload.  Before he came to us, home wasn't always a safe place, but school was and those feelings don't just disappear.  After much prayers, some tears, and lots of talking we decided that this was best for him and for us.  We need peace in our home, he needs a break from us, and we need to be emotionally available for him instead of emotionally exhausted.  That is not possible 24/7.

So I swallow my pride as a homeschool mama and I look at the needs of each individual child and realize that I can't heal him...in fact maybe I am hurting him.  We will revisit this again in time but for now this is best for everyone.  I love my kids more than I love homeschooling.  For the other children I will continue and I will be ready for him to come back home with us for school if that is what is best for him, but for now I send my brave little boy back to school and let go of a piece of a who I am so that he can heal.  We will miss him today and I hope and pray that he is having a great day!

Welcome Baby Jackson!

WELCOME BABY JACKSON

9lb 7oz, 22 inches long

I can't believe almost three weeks have gone by since baby Jackson joined our family.  These weeks have been a pure joy.  He is very content and eats and sleeps well.

We returned to the hospital with high bilirubin levels and spent a few days under the lights.  We couldn't stand to leave him in his bassinet alone and he hated it as much as we did so we all spent time with him under the lights loving on him until he could return home.

This is Jackson with a full belly.  He loves to eat!

I finally caught him today with his eyes open.  He loves to sleep and hates the flash on the camera so pictures of his beautiful eyes are hard to come by.

Many wonder how Bubba is handling all this.  Luckily he adores Jackson and spends his days being mommy's helper.  He loves to go get him in the morning when he fusses and help mommy change and dress him.  If I am looking for Bubba he can usually be found with his little buddy Jackson!

 

This was our first week without daddy's helping hands.  We are all ready to find our new normal and we are looking forward to easing back into homeschooling next week.  We have our overwhelming moments but are all adjusting quite well.



So Much to Get Done But Something Wasn't Right

Just when I was getting all organized, my freezer was filling up and nesting went into a full swing house cleaning fury...I hit this huge brick wall.  In my last post about camping I eluded to the fact that maybe it was time to slow down but I wasn't ready to stop.  The last few weeks have been a struggle to get anything accomplished.  I could barely get moving in the mornings, normally my most productive time of day, and had to relax after only a few small tasks.  By afternoon I was falling into bed for nap time along with my toddlers and then just getting supper on the table was enough to finish off my day.  Another rest time was sometimes necessary by the time supper was over and Monte would graciously offer to clean up supper and watch the kids while I would relax for a bit in our room to regain energy.  I am turning forty...am I just to old for this pregnancy thing?  My back and body were aching all the time but isn't that just normal for pregnancy?  Then there were days with lots of contractions and back pain that would not subside.  I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything.  Monte was panicking...he goes stir crazy staying home and has never been one to relax.  This last weekend after lots of contractions, back pain, and other minor issues I finally called the doctor on call...something just wasn't right.  She came to the conclusion that I probably had an infection and prescribed antibiotics.  Within 24 hours this returned to a more normal pregnancy for me.  I am able to stay awake during the day and accomplish lots in my normal productive morning hours.  I am so thankful and feel like I can return to being more intentional about parenting and life instead of barely functioning with a foggy head.  So now I am getting back to work, making baby preparations with only five weeks left to go.

My freezer is getting VERY full of casseroles and that makes me happy.  When I am feeling like I have not accomplished anything I just open it up and feel a sense of pride and accomplishment (bonus I also get cooled down).  I know, I know it seems weird but there is something about keeping my family fed that makes me feel like a good mom. The deep zone cleaning is going lots slower than I would like but if anything ends up at the bottom of my list it is deep cleaning projects because these are my least favorite.  I have been stuck working on clothes sorting and cleaning in our family closet room for about three weeks longer than I should but I am slowly making progress.

Something that I have felt a real urgency to work on with all of my kids but especially my toddlers is boundaries.  How am I going to manage a nursing infant on top of two active toddlers and keep everyone happy and safe?  Monte and I have been implementing some new things to make life easier.  We have a great small, fenced in, toddler friendly play space in our back yard complete with a comfy swing for mom but when we go out front to ride trikes or do sidewalk chalk the boundaries are less clear and we used to spend lots of time chasing our toddlers away from our busy street and out of the front yard.  They were hard to contain.  I found a yellow and orange long ski rope that I now lay out on the ground to give them a visual line that they are not to cross (notice in the picture how close Gracen is).  It has really cut down on the amount of time we spent chasing them or hollering to come back.  They still have their moments where they step over and look back with that mischievous grin to see what I will do, but usually a friendly reminder does the trick and we are back in business.  The rope something that we can take with us to the lake or other places to help set safe boundaries.  It still takes constant supervision and extreme consistency...they have to know that we will get up every time and come get them if they don't listen, or that they will sit in time out if they do not obey, but once the training stage is over it makes outside time much less of a battle.

We have implemented something similar in the house called blanket time.  The original idea came from Michelle Dugger's book," A Love That Multiplies."    Each child has their own blanket and activities and is expected to stay on their blanket until time is up (again notice Gracen who likes to live on the edge).  This works exceptionally well for us during those times when we need a few moments to finish up a task with no little ones underfoot or getting into things.  It does not work for long periods of time but is great for 15-20 minute periods and I am hoping that it will work keep them near me and out of trouble while nurse a hungry baby.

If all else fails...it's off to baby jail.  This is a room with toys and comfy recliners for mom and dad along with a T.V.  It is baby proof and gated to contain little people.  We try not to contain them to this room too much during the day but it is sometimes necessary when older kids or mommy are unavailable to keep a close eye on them.  I require very little "alone time" but Mommy is entitled to a shower every day.  As you can see by the picture little ones sometime try to escape...yes he is able to open the dead bolt.  Luckily the screen door has an even higher latch that he has not yet mastered and if he does make it out back he is still fenced in...yikes.  This room has been a lifesaver so many times when we need a moment or need to keep the toddlers contained for a bit.

For the older kids it is about diligence and independence with their daily tasks.  They each have a daily morning and afternoon chore list as well as help clean house each week.  As we look ahead to mom being less able to supervise we are rewarding the big kids for doing a good job with their chores on their own, without lots of adult supervision.  I have found that they need to know that mom will still check chores when they are done and if this step gets skipped they start to get sloppy again.  I constantly have to remind myself that they are still kids and perfection is not realistic.  I am so thankful for all they do.

You know the old saying "when you can't beat em join em."  This is so true.  Sometimes I just need to stop the to do lists and join them...if I can't then they can join me and we all get something done together.  We love to bake together or make cleaning fun, like hosing down the dusty toys in the breezeway and letting everyone get wet in the process.  Sometimes I am required to stop and cuddle and that's what being a mom is all about.  It's not the to do lists that make the memories...its those moments when we cuddle or work or play together that we will all remember.

So as we wait, we prepare with excited anticipation for the new one coming.  He does finally have a name but until one of the kids spills the beans it is our family secret.

 

 



Time to Slow Down

 

This weekend we decided to go camping with Monte's family.  Our thirty one foot fifth wheel with a slide has been retired and the truck that tows it has been sold in place of more practical transportation for a soon to be family of eight.  But...we still wanted to camp.  So we purchased a 150 square foot tent and decided to rough it in order to make memories with our children and extended family.  It was so much work and fun all wrapped together but it was worth every minute.

We took two vehicles in order to carry all of our gear and haul all of our little people.  Vaeh rode with pillows and bedding packed all around her.  On the way home she was exhausted and used them to her advantage.
The weather was beautiful the first two days but Saturday night strong storms were forcasted so we packed up and headed for home for night and returned the next day for more family fun.  It was nice to be only thirty miles from home so that this was an option for us.  Tent camping through a storm is not my idea of a good time and we really needed sleep to be able to function well.

We found a large group of geese and enjoyed skipping rocks down by the shore.  Smores and visiting around the campfire are always a favorite for everyone and Grandma makes her famous camping funnel cakes. Many enjoy card games around the picnic table.
My kids have the best cousins in the world and even the little ones are included in their fun.
On Sunday we returned without our box of toys so creativity was born out of boredom and the older kids enjoyed building tee-pees while the little ones played with sticks and rocks.   

We returned home exhausted from all of our family fun.  As we were working together to unpack I looked down at my pregnant body and swollen ankles and came to the conclusion that this was probably our last big family outing before the baby arrives in seven short weeks.  Although it was so much fun, it is probably time to slow down, to start saying "no," and keep our outside activities to a minimum.  At this point, being seven months pregnant, outings are getting more and more difficult and physically taxing to organize and orchestrate.  I am entitled to hibernate in the air-conditioning and nest, spend time relaxing with my children, and slowing down before our new little blessing joins us and I will try to do just that.

Nesting with Nine Weeks Left

Monte always says our babies come out full grown and it seems that this one will be no exception.  At my 28 week appointment, because of babies predicted size, my doctor moved up my due date by a few days and set an induction date for the end of July, nine days earlier than my original due date, which puts me almost two weeks ahead of schedule.  On one hand I am thrilled to have a date and a plan, but it sends me into a tail spin of list making, planning, cooking and cleaning.  Only nine weeks to go until there will be six children to care for, feed, and love living under our roof.  So what does a mother do to prepare for child number six?  

First of all we are skipping the whole nursery racket.  With Baby number one, the nursery was a masterpiece. We worked for months as the entire upstairs was remodeled in anticipation of her arrival. The perfect yellow paint and matching moon wallpaper boarder was purchased and matching bedding was made. Light switch covers in true theme finished off the room. It was perfect. The beauty of it all must have been overwhelming because neither of our first two children ever wanted to sleep in there.  This baby will get a corner bassinet in our room with a comfy rocker nearby to cuddle and nurse with mom in the wee hours of the night.  So washing up a little bedding and cleaning out a little corner of our room will be the extent of nursery prep.

When Gracen was born two years ago, I became obsessed with freezer meals.  I had two months worth (40 meals) between my deep freezer and kitchen freezer.  As a mama it feels like my family is taken care of when they are well fed.  It was so nice to just pull out a home cooked meal to thaw for the evening and spend that time cuddling with the new baby or giving much needed attention to the children instead of cooking.  So again that is the goal.  A couple of extra meals to send over to the grandmas and family helping with the other five kids during the delivery would also be great to help assist them in caring for lots of little people.
Another major task to tackle is a thorough cleaning of the whole house top to bottom.  I loosely follow flylady's zone cleaning and concentrate on one or two areas of the house each week until its done.    Organizing and decluttering each room will be a big part of the process.  This job is my least favorite but it feels so good when it is finally done.  My goal is to have this one done two weeks before the baby is scheduled to come and then just try to maintain and do regular weekly cleaning until the big day arrives.

 

After having five babies in our home you begin to realize what is necessary baby equipment and what becomes clutter.  This time I did purchase a used bassinet and we will use that for a little while instead of a crib.  It will take up less space in our room and give our two year old a few more months to transition to a toddler bed.  My personal baby must haves are a boppy for nursing (they last through 2 babies), a good breast pump, nursing covers, a bouncy seat, an activity gym (the kind that fold flat for storage), a swing (my babies have all loved to swing in the kitchen while I cook), baby sling or carrier, a car seat (duh), and later on, a stander (I love to use this outside to keep my crawling babies up off the ground so I have a cheap garage sale version).  I rarely use my pack and play but love to have it available for naps away from home or for baby safety by the pool during the summer.  These last two items are sort of my baby hoarding obsession.  I am never completely satisfied with what we have in the areas of diaper bags and strollers.  With strollers I need doubles, singles, big heavy duty and small compact fold up and diaper bags are a similar dilemma.  Luckily I have gotten smart and started buying used strollers.  I now have a decent select to choose from depending on the outing and combination of adults/kiddos.  I can

see Monte rolling his eyes now, but I would love just one more for this baby...the kind that is just a frame to clip our carseat on.  I won't buy new but if I see one at a consignment or garage sale surly we could make room in the garage for just one more (making 4...plus the two that still need to be donated).  Another piece of equipment needed for this baby is a new seat for our Yukon.  We have room for just one more if we swap out our captains chairs in the second row for a bench seat.  Monte found a good deal on a seat five hours away and if everything works out, he will be making the trip this weekend to pick it up.  It doesn't quite match our interior but it will do the job without us having to buy another vehicle. 

 

Lastly this baby will need clothes.  I started sorting through my baby boy tubs and am not to impressed by the selection.  ALL of my baby boys, including foster have been May birthdays and this one will be late July so seasons will be a bit off, especially early on when those little outfits only fit for a few months.  Bentley our almost twelve year old, was thrilled to go to Carter's and pick out some adorable newborn necessities.  I will keep my eyes open at consignment and garage sales as well.

So that is it in a nutshell.  The lists and sticky notes are everywhere as I try to get organized and make a plan to get it all done. We figured up that we only have four free saturdays until the baby arrives.   Time slips by so fast and before you know it this little one will be joining us.  I can't wait.  Tiny babies demand a life that slows down and we will all be ready for that after a busy summer.  We are blessed to get to experience this newness of life again. We know how quickly those moments are gone and we will intentionally take the time to breathe it all in.

Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court.

Psalm 127:3-5

Happy Birthday Bubba

 

Today is our sweet baby boy's second birthday!  He was a surprise blessing and has given us two years of pure joy.  He is silly, sweet, and loves to wrap his little arms around us and shower us with kisses.  He is a gift.   We love you Bubba!

He loves his Cee Cee Cat...

and being silly...

and wants to read...



and read...

and read...

He adores his brothers and sisters...

and sometimes he gets a little too wild...but we wouldn't trade a moment of being his parents for anything in this world.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRACEN!!!!  WE LOVE YOU!!

Blessed by Servant Hearts

As many of you know, our last few weeks have been stressful around our house to say the least.  Two weeks ago our little Vaeh became very sick with a bacterial infection in her bladder that moved into her kidneys and eventually to her blood.  As an infant, before she came to live with us, she suffered many untreated infections that eventually shut down her left kidney.  After lots of medical treatment early on and continued monitoring, she has been infection free for over two years.  For those of you who know Vaeh she is very happy most of the time and her smile is contagious.  She has high pain tolerance and by the time she shows the effects of being sick she is often very sick.  We spent a few days in the hospital and then returned home with and I.V. still in her arm and returned to the hospital daily for I.V. antibiotics. We were only released with the promise and threat that we would return if we could not keep her hydrated or control her temperature at home.  She continued to run a fever for over a week but God's hand was on us as we barely reached the doctors criteria each day to stay out of the hospital.  At least at home we were all together as a family but it was a juggle to meet Vaeh's medical needs and appointment schedule along with all of the other children's emotional needs and keep up the house. 

Just as she started to get better and it felt like we were coming up to the surface for air, our baby boy broke his elbow.  Now this was far less serious than Vaeh's medical needs but it was another issue thrown into the mix and another hurting child.  As a mama watching your children hurt breaks your heart and between that and the exhaustion that pregnancy brings I was on the verge of a melt down. 

This is the point where I started to look for the blessings in the mess.  Vaeh was home and slowly getting better, Gracen's elbow was broken but everything was still in alignment and we already had a favorite and familiar orthopedic doctor, our little guy who needs his routine and structure so desperately was handling our crazy schedule and exhausted mommy well, and then there were those people with servant hearts.

God has blessed us with both sides of our family nearby and a treasured church family.  The grandmas and grandpas pitched in throughout the ordeal and stepped in to take care of the other children so that we could focus on Vaeh's care and later take Gracen to all of his appointments.  Many texted, said or sent kind words of encouragement.  Then the meals started pouring in.  Our family was fed for almost a week by some very special people.  Even before we knew how badly we needed it, a dear friend brought over not one but two meals and on Sunday when Gracen needed to be taken to immediate care for his arm, her meal was in the crockpot feeding all of the other children and grandma and grandpa while they waited at home to hear the outcome.  Now there is something about making sure that your family is fed that makes you feel like you are doing your job as a parent and it made me feel good to know that they were eating a home cooked meal when I couldn't be there.  It seems so trivial but its not.  The food that was made for us, those yummy homemade rolls, casseroles and the fruit and veggies cut up with care, along with those yummy pizza hut gift cards, not only fed our bodies but lifted our spirits and helped us to feel that we were not alone.  We felt the love of those who had prepared it but we also felt God's love through them.

Being a Homeschool Mom, this experience would become nothing less than a character lesson.  First of all what would I learn from this experience and what could I teach from this experience?  We started with a family conversation about the people who had provided our food.  They had servant hearts.  They were the helpers in the midst of our upside down world.  Now having a servant heart doesn't come naturally to me.  It seems that I always have an excuse for why I am to busy to help or why my help wouldn't be helpful.  But...I can cook...I love to cook and even when people say they are doing fine (like I did at first *wink*) a meal or even a kind word is truly appreciated.  In the midst of the chaos I didn't know what I needed.  I talked with our children about learning to stop and think...what can I do to help?  They struggled with seeing mommy and daddy so little and when they did see us, knowing that we were under so much stress.  They were worried about their little siblings and felt helpless.  We talked about what being a helper meant for them, seeing a job around the house and doing it or even just making sure that their own assigned chores were done without even being asked was a huge help to keeping our house running smoothly.  Helping the grandmas and grandpas take care of their siblings, not fighting, and helping around their houses was having a servant heart.  This morning I saw the character lesson lived out when I returned from an appointment and found the dishes done.  I assumed that Monte had done it but when I asked was told that our oldest daughter had seen that they needed done and did them.  So I will learn from her and I will learn from our experience to stop and think what can I do to help?  Even when it doesn't come naturally, I will work to have a servant heart because I couldn't have made it through the last few weeks without those who did.  For all of you we are truly thankful!

 

Homeschool Update...Hard Winter

I predicted last fall in a homeschool update that homeschooling this winter would be much harder since we wouldn't be able to be outside as much. Boy was I right.  Winter brought lots of yucky days stuck inside, a mildly sick but uncomfortable and tired pregnant teacher/mom, and lots of hard work to get along together inside all day every day.  But we grew together as a family and we learned LOTS. 
Before we even learned of our pregnancy with number six, we had decided that this year we would concentrate on making homeschool do-able and set goals that we could really achieve.  We would concentrate on the three R's (Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic).  We did add American History in for Bentley(11) and did a study of the fifty states with everyone.  We also added a really cool science program and of course Bible Reading/Character Studies.  On those days or weeks when we were doing our best to function we went back to Bible Reading and the three R's and many days this winter, we didn't get past that. We tried to keep extra activities to a minimum or limited to weekends so that school could be our main focus during the week.
We homeschool four to five days a week year round.  Mondays are always a lighter day when we clean house from the weekend and regroup.  Those days we sometimes enjoy art, a music study, or a documentary, usually related to something we have been studying. 

 Reading has been a huge focus and as you can see, even the littles enjoy "reading" alongside of their older siblings.  Payton (9) has logged over 2500 pages of reading for school so far, and Bentley(11), over 3000. This does not include books they read for fun which for Bentley probably equals the amount she reads for school.  Conner(7), who started out the year frustrated with reading, is now loving reading chapter books at a third to fourth grade level.  The older kids often read books related to historical periods that they are studying, and write book reports about what they have read.

Notice in all of these pictures the same little fella is always present.  I think we have another future reader on our hands! 

Math is not my favorite subject, so I have been extremely careful that we make it a focus daily.  I am not bad at it, I just don't enjoy it.  We are actually ahead in math and I am expecting all of the kids to finish math books/programs by the end of May.  The boys math books, Mathematical Reading by the Critical Thinking Co, have really challenged them in a good way and they have both excelled.  Bentley's math has been Switched On Schoolhouse, on the computer.  I don't feel as involved and the lessons are basically reading a text and answering questions.  She is doing fine but really connects better with a more hands on explanation and teaching.  We are looking carefully at what might work better for her next year and leaning towards Teaching Textbooks, which is still computer based but is taught first by a person and then each problem they miss is worked through with them so they get immediate feedback on how to do it correctly.  Bentley has tried a sample of the new curriculum online and it is wonderful to have a child old enough to provide feedback.  She is excited for Math next year.

Once we finish up everyone's Math and Bentley's history curriculum, I plan to focus more on Science and our state study for summer.  Our Science is Apologia Flying Creatures of the Fifth Day.  I love this science curriculum but it is on birds and insects and we had to stop for winter as many of our observations had flown south and experiments were no longer possible.  I am really looking forward to spending whole days on our bird and insect study and this summer it will help us return to a more outdoor and hands on approach to learning which we all love.  This summer will also be a good time to focus on Physical Education (i.e. swimming, bike riding, walking, horseback riding etc etc) and art (which will be lots of birds).  Payton is also looking forward to learning more with his dad about building things and car maintenance.  Everyone loves to cook and spend time with mommy in the kitchen so maybe a more intentional kitchen rotation would give them some great learning moments.

It is also that time to look forward towards our next school year.  We will school through the summer until the end of July when the baby is born.  We will likely take most of the month of August off and then resume school in September.  As I look ahead, much of our curriculum will change.  My preference is for all of us to do much of our learning together at different levels and this school year has given me time to follow many other homeschool moms and see what works for them.  I am also finding curriculum that will hopefully work with a new baby in the house.  Some have very detailed plans that won't require a lot of planning on my part.  Some even have Cd's of the books so that we can listen on the go or at home as I am dealing with the littles.  We will try to add back in some outside activities, such a maybe children's choir, an art class here and there etc. but we will be careful to not overdo it.  Our family time and school time has been important and we want to remain our children's primary influence and teachers.

We are happy to see glimpses of spring and look forward to returning outside for school.  We are all learning to find teaching/learning moments in the everyday and that learning does not only happen from eight to three monday thru friday but everyday, all the time we can find opportunities to listen and learn.

I Need You

This morning started out like many other Mondays.  The house is a total disaster from the aftermath of a fun filled Easter Weekend. The kitchen counters and the island are piled high.  We like to eat breakfast as a family but the pancakes are running behind.  Its kind of hard to cook in a messy kitchen.  Monte needs to get off to work.  Then the kids arise irritated with tummy aches, the results of a busy day and way too much Easter candy and good food.  They fight and fuss as they get dressed and ready.  Chaos has erupted and I know that bringing order to a large family takes time and patience that I don't know if I have first thing this morning.  One of our little guys doesn't function well when the schedule gets out of wack and we are definitely moving beyond way out of wack.  I brace myself, a tantrum could erupt at any moment.  There is so much activity and noise in the morning that I rarely turn on the radio, but I desperately need K-LOVE. So I not only turn it on, but I crank it up over the screeches, the sound of the vacuum getting a chore done, and the chatter of little people finishing up breakfast.   I hear Chris Tomlin singing "I need you Lord I need you...every hour I need you."  I take a moment, I breath, and I listen.  He is here in the chaos...I just need to tell him what he already knows..."I need you Lord I need you."

I reflect on our whirlwind stressful weekend and I realize that just because he died on the cross and saved me from all of my sins his work in me is not finished.  I still need him, oh I need him, every hour I need him.  I need him for the big stuff and I need him to get me through the little stuff each and every day.  This is not too small and I am not too small...I need him and he is here. 
Peace did return, at least for the moment.  Chores got done, no tantrums erupted, and now the house is quiet as everyone takes a moment and reads from God's Word.  Today we will work to return order and tidiness to our home, get ready for the week ahead, and love each other, but I will need HIM.

This is seriously as good as the Easter Pictures get this year.  The sun was in their eyes and if one was looking the others weren't.  We gave up after I had one of those mom melt down moments.  You know the kind where your husband is looking around to make sure none of the neighbors are outside to hear your not so nice little rant about cooperating for just one good Easter Picture.

I had to throw this picture in from Palm Sunday.  My baby boy was old enough to celebrate and carry a palm branch with his big brother this year!

Finding Eggs!

And we can't forget the Resurrection Garden that we enjoyed watching grow.  The kids closed the tomb on Thursday and reopened it on Easter Sunday Morning as we celebrated with a Chocolate Cross. 

Reflections from our Resurrection Garden

"Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."  

Luke 23:34

So many things are rolling around in my head it is time to blog.  A few weeks ago I shared about some of our adoption struggles.  We have been so blessed by an outpouring of support from our friends and family with whom we are truly blessed.  I am happy to report that the last two weeks have been much less difficult.  Healing continues and will be a lifelong journey, but we are learning together to adapt and life has returned to a more peaceful normal for now.  As Resurrection Day nears we are focusing on Jesus' sacrifice for us on the cross.  I complained in my last post that in our struggle withour adopted children "some days I fail miserably trying to help repair or minimize the damage that I did not do."  I should have really said most days I fail miserably, but I was trying to be positive.  As we planted our Resurrection Garden in preparation for Easter and I placed three crosses carefully in the dirt,  I reflected that maybe, just maybe, God was teaching me a lesson.  He took on the burdens and the sins of the world, including my own.  Maybe instead of wallowing in self pity, I should be praising him.  My burden compared to his is nothing, and newsflash I don't have to carry it alone.  First of all he is walking beside me, often carrying me, and he has placed so many wonderful people in my life.  So I contribute much of the success and healing of our week to letting it go, to accepting His gift and letting Him carry what I thought was my burden.  He was just waiting.  Waiting for me to let Him have it.  Waiting for me to get it. Just waiting.

 

Resurection Garden Instructions:

(Sorry I guess I didn't take pictures of the process)

Supplies:

*Large Terra Cotta Tray, like you put under plants (we used a round plastic container from a giant cookie)

*Small Terra Cotta Pot (the tiniest size)

*Potting Soil

*Grass Seed (we got ours from the hardware store where we could purchase just a little bit by the pound)

*gravel (we stole ours from grandpa and grandma's driveway while they were gone on a trip...Thanks!)

*large round rock (yep grandpa and grandmas flower bed)

*twigs to make crosses (we hot glued ours) Make sure to make them long enough to go into the dirt as far as you can so they don't fall over, especially when the cat visits the garden.

 

Lay the small terra cotta pot on it's side in the middle of your tray.  Pile potting soil around and over it.  Place the gravel in the front of the opening of your tomb and place the large round rock beside the opening.  Sprinkle grass seed on your soil and water lots.  Grass starts to grow in just a few days.  The flowers in the picture are a pot of purple flowers one of the boys planted at Sunday School.  They are just sitting behind the garden but you could possibly plant  flowers in your garden as well.

Here is the link to my pinterest board where the idea came from.

**Enjoy**

 



 

In God's Will is Not Always the Easiest Place to Be

My blogging has been a bit infrequent for a while and I really miss it.  Blogging is like keeping a journal often celebrating the triumphs of our family or our homeschooling.  But I have been consumed by things that I don't know how or if I want to share but somehow I feel the need to free my heart.  I have written this post four times, each time erasing or leaving it in my drafts box.  It is just too raw and painful.  When we are further on the other side I hope that I can share more about the journey and what we have learned.

Looking at our family from the outside in it appears that we have it all together. We have all of our five little ducklings in a row walking through the hall at church and out and about. They are polite, well behaved (most of the time), and we generally appear to have it all under control. Yes we struggle with the same behaviors everyone else does at certain times in each child's life but you would think that with child number six on the way, we would about have this parenting thing licked. Dear friends you are sorely mistaken. When we fostered and eventually adopted the parenting rug was pulled out from under us. The rules were changed. Things that are supposed to work, that have worked for us in the past, don't work for our children who have experienced trauma in their past and now loss and no one seems to have the magic answer to helping our children heal.  We struggle daily running different sets of rules and guidelines for different children to meet everyone's needs to feel safe and to keep peace in our home.  Some days it is exhausting and some days I fail miserably trying to help repair or minimize the damage that I did not do.  We are making slow but steady progress but the learning curve seems very steep.
God spent some time working on me this past week.  We hit what felt like rock bottom and sometimes that is what it takes to make a change.  I realized that no matter what kind of day anyone else is having I can only control me and sometimes I didn't feel very in control.  Now pregnancy hormones do not help this any, but that is no excuse...I just have to work harder.  God has placed some wonderful adoptive mommas in my path this week and I have been given hope and I have realized that I am not alone with my struggle or my feelings.  I have to be realistic and realize that there will be days that I cannot humanly meet my children's emotional needs but I can meet their physical needs with as much kindness and love as I can muster and God will have to take care of the rest.
All of our children are such a blessing to our family and I know that we were the ones that signed up for this.   Life may have been easier the way it was but it was also emptier and in God's Will is the best (not always the easiest) place to be. I know that God brought us on this journey and he will bring us through as His family.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11