My eyes pop open in the pitch dark to the sound of a toddler thumping down the stairs on her bottom. I groggily wonder what time it is when suddenly the clock screams "six-thirty...time to get up." It doesn't care that only an hour ago I was up nursing a teething uncomfortable little one for the third maybe fourth time (in my sleepy state I lost track). I hurry out my bedroom door trying not to wake the baby who desperately needs a few more moments of sleep. I have slept too long again. If I am going to get a shower and get some breakfast on the table for all these little ones I have to hurry. My morning starts at a dead run as the house comes alive. You see my to do-list from the day before and the day before that and the day before that was completely unrealistic for a mama of a still nursing sometimes fussy infant with reflux, who home-schools four of six children, is potty training two toddlers, keeping a home, cooking for eight three times a day, and on the side, for fun, climbs mountains of laundry. It is spring break week from public school and my little man whose life revolves around a schedule is more than a little stressed out because he doesn't have one. My beloved is working extra long hours again, the weather is dreary and cold so we can't get out, and with the last ice storm came a little fender bender with a tree (to put it nicely) that turned us into a one car family for the time being. Sad, but many days go by where my only contact with the outside world is the mail man and social media. I have officially become isolated.
Many years ago, I realized that even as a part-time stay at home mom that my world can quickly become very small and my struggles very large. Somehow you lose perspective and your life and family become the center of your universe. That was many years and four children ago when my demands were far less than today. Now with knowledge comes power, and just being aware that I require a reality check every now and again has helped me to keep perspective. Until a few days ago. I lost all perspective and suddenly something someone said to me on social media became more important and more hurtful than it should have. Between the new mama hormones and the pressures of life I still burst into tears just thinking about it. If I can be hurt that deeply by words typed on a keyboard without looking into the eyes and the heart of the one who spoke them, I need a Social Media Time Out.
I just taught a lesson this last week in Sunday School from Max Lucado's book, You'll Get Through This. The chapter was titled "A Little Gratitude with that Attitude." I admit right now my attitude to gratitude ratio is pretty far off. I need to take some time and regroup. I need more face time instead of facebook time with my peeps. So for now I wash my hands of it, walk away, regain perspective on my life. My goal is to hold out until Easter but my guess is that God probably has a lesson in it for me so we will see where it leads.
As for gratitude...I am thankful for my six beautiful blessings. I am even more thankful that I am able to stay home to enjoy every moment with them. I am thankful for the middle of the night when it is just me and that precious baby boy, all alone snuggling and snoozing. I am thankful for a working washer and dryer and those mountains of clothes that show no one is without. I am thankful for the job of my beloved that puts a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. I am thankful for the hints of spring in the air and sun in the sky. I am thankful for the mailman and the relationships that go far beyond facebook. Lastly I am thankful for time-out, the lessons it teaches, and the attitudes it changes.
